In a shocking turn of events that has cruise enthusiasts and maritime officials stunned, Royal Caribbean’s flagship vessel, the M.S. *Allure*, allegedly “asserted dominance” over a Carnival Cruise ship in what passengers are calling “the most luxurious naval battle of the century.”
The incident reportedly took place in international waters somewhere between the Bahamas and “wherever the captain felt like going.” According to multiple sunburned eyewitnesses sipping piña coladas at the time, the *Allure* approached the Carnival vessel at a suspiciously confident speed.
“We thought it was just a friendly pass-by,” said Amber Leigh, a passenger aboard the Carnival ship. “Then someone on the Royal Caribbean deck yelled, ‘Your buffet has nothing on ours!’ and suddenly, we were taking on water.”
Sources claim that the *Allure* fired a barrage of harsh Yelp reviews and coconut drinks across the starboard side of the Carnival ship. One passenger insists the *Allure*’s captain announced over loudspeaker, “This sea ain’t big enough for the both of us.”
Despite the chaos, no injuries were reported—unless you count bruised egos and several overcooked shrimp cocktails.
Carnival Cruise Line has vehemently denied any wrongdoing and accused Royal Caribbean of “stunt marketing,” citing the *Allure*’s suspiciously well-placed onboard camera crew and the immediate release of branded merchandise reading “Sink or Cruise.”
“This was clearly staged,” Carnival’s spokesperson said in a press release. “We would never engage in open-sea combat unless it was part of a scheduled theme night.”
Royal Caribbean, however, doubled down. In a tweet posted shortly after the event, they wrote: *“We’re not just the biggest ship. We’re the baddest.”*
Meanwhile, the U.S. Coast Guard has declined to comment, other than to say they “don’t usually deal with luxury liner turf wars” and that “both ships are grounded from the ocean until they learn to play nice.”
Cruise experts are now speculating whether this marks the beginning of an all-out “Cruise Line Cold War,” with tensions rising and bingo cards flying. Meanwhile, both companies are reportedly considering turning the entire event into a new reality show.
Stay tuned—this battle at sea might just be the tip of the iceberg.